Should we be mad at God for the death of a loved one?

By Pastor Jack Cowgar

Recently, while teaching our Wednesday night Bible study, one of the class members asked, “Is it a sin to get mad at God because He took your parents?” My answer to the question is as follows.

What is the definition of sin?

Technically, the answer to this question depends on how you define the word “sin.” While there may be many definitions of the word bordering more on philosophy than theology, I choose to stick to a more biblical definition of the word. Biblically, from the classic King James translation of the Bible, sin is broadly defined as willful “transgression of the law” of God (1 John 3:4).

In contrast, theologians also define sin as “a missing of the mark,” similar to an archer’s attempt to hit the bull’s eye with his arrow. With this definition, anything that falls short of infinite perfection could be considered sin.

However, it doesn’t appear these definitions of sin describe the heart of a committed believer who is yet greatly disappointed when tragedy strikes, especially the loss of a loved one.

Addressing the question from this perspective, I would have to say, “No, being angry with God because of a tragedy is not, in and of itself, a sin.”

However, such an attitude, if allowed to fester, could certainly lead to sin and possibly even greater tragedy.

Being angry at God is… common?

Being angry at God, or perhaps being disappointed with God, is actually quite common, even among believers. The Old Testament contains many instances where even the prophets of the day were angry, frustrated, and disappointed with the situations they found themselves in. This reaction is very human. When we feel these emotions, we are not alone.

Generally, no matter what may have triggered our anger or disappointment, our failure to look at the situation from God’s point of view is the underlying factor. Often, we don’t know what He seeks to accomplish, nor do we understand how He seeks to accomplish it. Through it all, we must remember:

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.

Romans 8:28 (New Living Translation)

Why we get angry at God

However, note that the verse reads, “…according to His purpose…” rather than “…according to our purpose” (emphasis mine). There lies the source of our anger and disappointment. If we are ever to come to terms with our anger, frustration, and disappointments, we must consider fully His purpose—there is simply no other way.

We find it easy to accept the idea that Jesus goes to prepare a place for us (John 14:2), but it is not quite so easy to consider that He is also preparing us for a place. A major step in this preparation is that this sinful body must be replaced with a body totally and permanently free of the sin nature.

This means this body must die. Death is an inevitable step in the process of preparation for the new heaven and the new earth—a place in which only righteousness dwells (2 Peter 3:13).

The solution to our problem

The solution to our problem of becoming angry with God when He calls a loved one home is to see the situation from God’s point of view. In stark contrast to our way of thinking:

Precious in the sight of the LORD is the death of His saints.

Psalm 116:15

Certainly, we’d hardly expect one who is grieving because of the death of his or her parents to come away from the cemetery saying, “Now that was a precious experience.” But, the good news is the agony of the moment will be greatly soothed if we try to see it from the bigger viewpoint: the viewpoint of our Creator.

To God, all believers are always and continuously alive, whether we are in our mortal bodies or away from our mortal bodies. Therefore, when a Christian reaches the end of his or her earthly life, God sees it as a change of address and as a change of being. This change allows us to enter more fully into His presence.

At the moment of death, a believer is released from the struggles associated with a sinful body, with its inherent frailty and weakness. He or she crosses over the isolation barrier separating us from the close, blissful companionship that’s ours when we enter into the unrestrained presence of our Lord. The old, sinful body must be left behind, because flesh and blood can’t inherit the kingdom of God (1 Cor. 15:50)—however, our resurrected, incorruptible bodies can.

Paul confirmed this:

Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord.

2 Corinthians 5:8

Our unbridled union with our Lord happens at the moment of our death, which is no doubt the very reason our release from this body is precious in His sight. To Him, we are truly coming home at last, never to depart from His presence again because we are forever sealed in righteousness. At that moment, then, we do indeed have irrevocable, eternal security!

So then, the death of the righteous is not a bad thing, but a good thing.

Death is a stepping stone for Christians

So, should we be mad at God when our parents or other loved ones are called into unrestrained and eternal fellowship with our Lord? Although anger may be a natural and common part of the grieving, it is also, unfortunately, a manifesting of our own selfishness. A better option is to be happy for the good fortune of our departed loved ones—their departure from this life results in their great joy. And, it is just a temporary separation that will one day end forever.

I miss my own Christian mother greatly, and think of her often now that she’s gone to be with the Lord. When I think of her, I usually struggle to hold back the tears. The hardest part of the entire memorial service was walking away from the gravesite, and leaving her body there. I was sick with grief.

One person said the problem with death is it seems so final. Leaving your precious, loved one in the grave certainly has a resounding ring of finality to it. Fortunately, though, for believers, that’s only a temporary perception. Death is not final! It is comforting to know I don’t have to wait forever to be rejoined with lost loved ones—I only have to wait until the end of my own life.

I will always miss my mom, but at the same time, I’m very happy for her—her struggles are now over. I’m confident she awaits my arrival and is looking forward to our reunion just as I am. It is a small wonder Peter described this blessed hope as being “joy unspeakable.”

In this life, my mom struggled with very poor eyesight, apparently caused by optic nerve atrophy or optic neuropathy. That means the nerve carrying signals from the eye to the brain degenerated to the point that not all of the “information” gets through. Though she consulted numerous ophthalmologists, no correction or path to improvement was available. Glasses cannot overcome such a problem.

She enjoyed riding in the car through the hills of West Virginia, but so much of the beauty she could only imagine for she could not see it for herself. We tried to describe the passing scenes to her as we drove through the mountains, but the look on her face broke my heart. It confirmed that our descriptions fell short.

On earth, her poor eyesight caused her frustration in nearly everything she aspired to do. There were so many things she simply could not enjoy. It caused her emotional and psychological problems as well, as she felt inferior because of her handicap.

I’m not at all mad at God for taking her home—instead, I’m thankful He has an eternal plan for my mom, a plan including perfect eyesight in a newly created world full of indescribable joy. I’m now the one saying, “I can only imagine.” And perhaps at the time of the rapture, God will allow me to be there when her spirit is united with her new, incorruptible body. Then, I can be the first to see the look on her face when she beholds the full beauty of God’s creation for herself for the first time.

No doubt each and every one of us has many such special things we look forward to, dreams that can only be fulfilled in the new creation awaiting us. When it comes to the departure of a loved one, we should give place to His will and replace our anger and disappointment with an attitude of thanksgiving, realizing that death is a necessary, and even desirable, step in our preparation for the new world that awaits us.

So, should we be mad at God when we are severely disappointed or hurt? I don’t believe it is necessarily a sin that would result in punishment, but it is certainly not the best choice.